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[IT IS PRETTY EXHAUSTING but the reward is having two members of his family he dearly loves with him all the time. that reward wins out pretty much anything either of them could do.

he stays where he is, calmly leaning back ever so slightly when that box cutter end gets a little close to him, and watches her carefully to make sure it's not something that might send her over the edge.

it's not, fortunately, and he just kind of... blinks. oh. that's making him FEEL A FEELING.]

Me neither. What does this one say?

[Enjoy the feeling, Buzz, Jessie sure is. She's just glad this one didn't send her into an emotional death spiral. She turns it over to peer at the message Remember who you are. Well. She's a lot of things but she's not Buzz. That'd be weird. She cocks her head, considering this, before shrugging and offering him a smile over her shoulder. ]

I guess it's metaphorical.

Looks pretty literal to me, [he says, but... he's content that this hasn't ended too badly for her.] I don't think I'm opposed to keeping these pictures anymore...

[you say that, buzz.]

Lemme try my next one.

I know I'm sure keeping hold of this one.

[She's gonna cherish it forever, thanks. She gives a nod, putting a hand on his shoulder. Well, maybe they're not all that bad.]

Good luck.

[he goes forward with far more confidence than before. if that's what jessie got, then maybe...

yes! it's a picture of both of them together, though buzz's one is one of when he first tried to do a flip off the hot wheels car track to impress jessie after she'd done it herself. he'd ended up bouncing off the wall like an idiot because he got distracted by her and then... she caught him.

he feels just as strongly for her now as he did then, but evidently that's a special memory for him.]

[She moves a little closer to peer at the picture, a smile crossing her face at the memory. She was still pretty fresh to the room then- still getting used to being loved by a kid and not being inside that god-awful cardboard box. Everything had been like seeing the world with fresh eyes again.

And Buzz. Well, BUzz had been decent and kind and sweet and the absolute opposite of everything The Prospector had told her space toys were for so long. She had never been more pleased to have been proven wrong.]

You still did pretty well. I was impressed. But I had been stuck in a box for thirty years so don't read too much into it. [She's teasing on that one and gives a little wink to show it. ] You really did make me feel welcome, I appreciated it.

Oh, I'm going to read into that. You can't stop me. [like, the whole romance thing aside, he knows they were both capable of it. at one point it was just a never-ending parkour tournament that woody complained about so much.

a lot was learned about both their limits during that week.] Well... you deserved it, you know?

[That gets a soft snort of amusement and a roll of her eyes, good sir. Still, she looks back at that time with fondness. She really had appreciated being so welcomed into the room. It had felt real nice, being part of a family again. She'd almost forgotten what it had felt like.]

Back then, I probably didn't know. [Because she was still very much going through the healing process. It still took her a while to really accept she wasn't bound for the curb again.] So I appreciated ti all the more.

Well... I'm glad you know now. [honestly it still upsets him to know how low she'd gotten and why-- he isn't really angry towards emily. mostly towards al because... he's never met emily and also fuck al??] You wanna get the last one first or should I?

[Fuck Al so much, honestly. She offers a little thumbs-up. You can do it, Buzz, she believes in you.]

Knock yourself out. I'm kinda curious to see what you get.

[that makes two of them. buzz opens it with confidence, though... when whatever the picture makes him see is over, he looks down at it with a conflicted expression. finally, he folds it up.]

Don't open it.

[Jessie trusts Buzz implicitly. She catches his expression and that's... concerning. She has no idea what he saw, but if he says not to open hers, she'll listen to him.]

...Was it that bad? [She'll reach out to put a hand on his shoulder.] You okay?

[he's quiet for a long few moments, clearly debating if he wants to get into this. finally, he decides he can't just keep it from her. he holds the picture out.

it's one of an ideal future; immediately clear as one that doesn't exist. it shows woody and bo together, duke and ducky and bunny are sort of visible, but it's mostly woody and bo in frame... in bonnie's room with the others.

buzz just grimaces.]

I don't know what to make of this one. This is impossible. [and yet, it's a very quiet, very selfish hope of his. logically, he wouldn't call this an ideal future. emotionally, though...]

[Jessie peers over his shoulder to look at the picture. She never really met the rest of Bo's motley crew, but she at least recognises them from the top of the carousel. It's not them that catches her attention, though. It's Woody and Bo, in Bonnie's room.

It's an impossibility - she can see why Sodder would offer a gift like this- a hope for something that can never happen. But oh, how it stings. And if Buzz got this as his picture, it's got to hurt him more.

She moves to give him a little from-behind hug. Trying to offer some sort of comfort. ]

I'm real sorry, Buzz. It is impossible, but it's still a nice thought, right?

[he thinks he's been real careful about this. he wants to be strong for jessie and so far... neither of them have really had a chance to actually talk about it, have they? buzz had wanted to maybe bring it up on the trip back home when everyone else had gone to sleep but... so much for that.]

No, it's not. Why would I want either of them to give up what they want to come back? [he shakes his head. he considers ripping it, but can't bring himself to.] Bo certainly doesn't want to be stuck in another room, and Woody needs the freedom to live for himself, doesn't he? Why would I want them back?

[Jessie would appreciate his valiant effort, even if it's not strictly needed. She understands, all too well, this horrible, conflicting feeling. Wanting them to be happy but also not wanting them to go. It's unfortunate the two aren't mutually inclusive any more.

She's gonna stay hugging him a while, sorry, Buzz, she thinks you need a good huggin'. ]

Because you still care about them? Just because they left doesn't change that. It doesn't just make those feelings go away. [You can't tidy your emotions and hide them away in a filing cabinet, Buzz, it doesn't work that way. ] It's not a bad thing to still want them in your life, I know I sure do. They're still our family- no matter where they go. No amount of distance is gonna change that.

It's not about me.

[which is just a round about way of saying he's going to shove them down deep instead of dealing with what being here has dug up.]

It doesn't matter what I want.

[Jessie lets go of him, mostly so she can walk around to his front to look at him properly- real concern crossing her features. She's well used to Buzz's extraordinary ability of repression, but it doesn't mean she likes it any- especially when it's likely causing him pain.

She rests her hands on his shoulders, brow furrowing. She couldn't hold something like this in if she tried her hardest- she doesn't know how Buzz does it. But it's clear he's been keeping this one in for a while. It's heartbreaking for her to think this has been weighing on him. ]

Of course it matters what you want. Just because you can't change it doesn't mean that your feelings on the whole thing don't matter. It's okay to feel conflicted, y'know? Buzz, your best friend left for probably forever and there ain't a thing wrong in wishing he hadn't, even if you know he did it for the right reasons.

[She sure hates it. She wants Woody and Bo to be happy more than anything. She knows Woody has been miserable for a year- and that in leaving he's finally doing something for himself - probably for the first time in his entire existence. But knowing all that doesn't make the hole he's left behind any smaller. ]

You know you can talk to me about this, right? Your feelings always matter to me.

[he wasn't stonewalling her through some fault of jessie's; buzz is just... really trying to keep all this under wraps. he doesn't know how to deal with this. he's told himself so thoroughly that it's fine. he winces a little when she puts her hands on his shoulders, reiterating what happened. he really doesn't like being the one that needs comforting, even after all these years.]

I know. [and he does. he wasn't scared to say any of this to jessie for her sake. it's just something he doesn't want to think about in general.] I just--

[he stops for a moment. he wants it to be simple. buzz knows quite well that just wanting something isn't enough to make it happen and more often than not reality won't line up, but...]

...I don't want him to know it hurt.

[it didn't even have the decency to hurt in the way he thought it would.]

[And that's the rub, isn't it? Woody hasn't experienced any of this, and he's already freaked out about it. He really has gone on to a better life, but it's a lot harder to convince him of that if they show his leaving caused pain. Jessie can, at least, understand it's not the easiest line to tread. Still.]

I think he's gonna work that one out for himself, no matter how we spin it.

[She offers him a small smile, trying to offer comfort if he wants it or not. Buzz's welfare meand the whole dang world to her. Ironically, she doesn't want to see him hurt, either. But what happened did hurt, and there's nothing either of them can do about that.]

Best we can do is let him know we don't hold it against him. Or that he made the wrong decision. He's probably gonna tie himself up in knots about this no matter what we do, but it's probably better for him if we have all the cards out on the table.

You're right. That's how it should be.

[he knows she understands this better than he can, right now. as much as he wishes she didn't, it's her reality. her smile comforts him-- of course it does. it always does.]

I've already tried to make it as clear as I can that it was right for him and that I don't hold it against him. I just... don't know if I could tell him the other side of it.

[buzz shakes his head.]

I don't know what that picture was meant to be.

Well... that's fine. You don't have to. I can do the brutal honesty thing enough for the both of us.

[She's already so talented there, after all! And it's not like it would be a surprise coming from her. She cants her head, considering.]

I don't know. Maybe it's just what you'd like to happen?

...We'll see how it goes. If it comes up again.

[why didn't they teach him this in the academy??? buzz grimaces.]

Maybe. I don't know. I don't know if I want them back like this. [admitting he doesn't know is slightly better than outright denying it, maybe.] ...I won't stop you opening yours. Sorry. I shouldn't have told you that just because mine made me feel weird.

It might not ever. Maybe Woody'll just decide to repress it, too.

[Not likely, but still.]

Well, it's okay not to know too. It's a whole complicated mess. [And emotions are complicated, all the time. She'll give his shoulder a pat.] Don't fret it none. I appreciate you looking out for me. I don't need to see some fake future or... whatever it is anyway. I prefer the here and now.

[Jessie lives in the present- looking forward isn't really her forte. ]

That's not a good thing.

[she might envy his powers of repression, but buzz is self-aware enough to know it's really not how to deal with these things.]

I know you do. I prefer you being here and now, too. I guess... if you ever have curiosity. You'll know what to expect instead of being sideswiped by it.

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