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No! No, no-one's hurt or [HRRRNGH] l--lost. No-one. It's a good year!

[he tugs his spacesuit a little uncomfortably, then pulls himself up to sit on the box of the game he's put away on the floor.]

She loved you too, Woody. You don't need to-- talk like you're separate from us all. It just seemed... kind of... I don't know. Cruel? To talk to you about stuff you wouldn't understand that you were there for.

[but... he did end up that way, didn't he? not so much buzz thinks woody didn't like the people he was with anymore or bonnie, but... he had to leave. he wants to tell woody so bad they were happy for the entire time, but he can't. he can't bring himself to lie again.]

It was a good year. You don't have to worry about anyone being donated or breaking.

[He breathes out deeply, and if a toy could have stress lines in his face, he sure would right about now.

There's an obvious skepticism when he looks at Buzz; he sees something's all kinds of wrong here, even if he doesn't know what. And he can't help but make that abundantly clear:]

... You thought it'd be cruel to tell me it was a good year? That everyone'd be safe and happy a year from now?

[He looks like he's hoping for a good reply here. He might drop it. He might just drop the whole thing altogether, whether he feels something's off or not, if Buzz scrounges up a decent response. If he just... makes him feel like he's thinking all wrong and he's seeing too much into this. Buzz and Jessie'd never do anything to intentionally hurt him, anyway; that much he's confident about.]

[tragically, buzz has no idea how close he is to possibly getting off the verbal hook-- though... even if he was aware, it's not something he'd really want. it would still mean lying to woody through omission, it would still mean jessie has his badge under her hat. it would still mean the little back and forths they've had for all those years would leave him feeling bittersweet, knowing that when they wake up, when sodder is done with them, however it works-- knowing that it won't ever happen again.

what would leaving it when woody's already realised they weren't forthcoming about the time difference mean? he's a smart guy, there's a heavy why behind it. then what, he goes and asks jessie? even if buzz had decided to keep it up, woody would've likely seen through him immediately with the way his brows furrow as he glances to the floor. focusing on a knot in the floorboards like it's a teleprompter that could tell him all the right things to say.

he grips the edge of the box a little tighter.] ...The last couple weeks, a lot changed.

[it had been happening months before that, he knows, but the last couple of weeks was the most important.]

Bonnie was about to start Kindergarten, but she... wasn't really happy about orientation. She was scared and wasn't able to take a toy with her for comfort, so... you snuck into her pack. I don't blame you-- seeing her so miserable before her parents took her was awful. When you got back, apparently during the day she'd made herself a toy friend at school. Literally made him-- he's called Forky; made from a spork, some googly eyes and bendy pipe cleaner.

[and buzz has no idea how vital woody was to the BIRTH OF THIS NEW LIFE.]

So, uh... he didn't know he was a toy. He was made out of trash so he thought he was trash? I'm not sure how that works. I don't want to think about it. Anyway, in the week or so Bonnie had before she was going to start Kindergarten for real, her parents decided to go on a roadtrip. She took the whole gang and Forky.

[a beat. he grimaces.]

Do you remember when I first woke up here, I mentioned an RV and asked about a carnival?

[Kindergarten orientation. Memories of Andy's came flooding back to him, too — how nervous he'd been... How nervous his mom had been, too, because the last few years before that had been difficult enough as it was. He couldn't say he was surprised he snuck into Bonnie's backpack at all, not when he'd had a little too much experience in it.

He stares, a little surprised.]

A spork... that... was alive. Like a toy? Alive-alive?

[Buzz, please, you're already giving him too much to think about. Don't go throwing weird, new concepts at his head. Sporks aren't toys; they don't just come alive like that, or else they'd have had a lot of new friends at picnics and parties. As he process that — ]

Huh...? Yeah — yeah, I remember.

I'd thought you were acting pretty weird, back then...

[there's a brief pause while he frowns-- okay, maybe forky isn't actually as important to this as buzz had first thought. maybe when he looks over this whole conversation later, he might even realise he was just getting himself caught up in the small details to delay the ending a little more, or just realise how little he actually knows about what happened. right now, though, he just feels like he stood in a stupid sticky fly trap and fell flat on his face.]

--Ah... okay, maybe Forky isn't-- we'll talk about him later, maybe? He's not actually... entirely relevant.

[or maybe it was another little naive hope that mentioning forky would make woody snap his fingers and be like ah-ha! i remember now! hopeful to the end, is mr lightyear.]

I tried not to, but... when we stopped at the carnival, it was at this small town. One of those little tourist stops for people on a long drive, right? [toy-god alive, he's messed this up. dumping all of this on woody at one time, at this point straight up unable to stop himself. what a terrible friend he is! lying and then coming clean in the worse possible way! jessie and bo will probably defenestrate for being such a weak link and this time he'll fully deserve it.] Bo was there. Bo Peep. It's where she'd ended up after all those years. Forky had managed to get himself caught up by a toy in an antique store there, and after the day we spent extracting him... you decided to stay with Bo and travel with the carnival.

[he holds his hands up, because as much as he's screwing this up, he knows woody well enough to know how he'll react.]

It was the right choice. I pushed you towards it. Jessie and I-- we'll never see you and Bo again, but it was what you both needed to be happy.

Edited (wording DIDNT SEEM GREAT) 2019-11-16 12:12 (UTC)

[He can't think of a conversation that has made him excited one moment and then ice cold from head to toe by the end of it; his eyes brighten at the mention of finding Bo again — and he wonders, does Bo know? Did Bo know this whole time? — and he feels some kind of new life stirring up in his heart at the thought of Deerington not being the last time he sees her. She's out there, and he'll find her.

But then... Then Buzz says that last bit, and his smile fades, and confusion takes its place.]

... I don't understand.

No, no — I wouldn't do that. Bonnie needs me. And I can't just... I almost left you guys before already. I can't do that again; I know better than to do that again. I have a job to do, with you guys — with Bonnie.

[He almost went with Bo once before.

But he knows better. He knows it's not about what he wants.

That's not what a toy's life's about.]

[there's a slight hesitation before he continues:] Bonne will be fine.

[he never thought he'd have to say that again.]

You've done your job. You did it with Andy and you did as much as you could for Bonnie. This wasn't like... Tokyo or going to college, Woody. This wasn't a choice that was made lightly, this was months in the making, and--

[buzz runs a hand over his face for a moment, tone a lot more gentle when he continues.]

It's okay. It's okay to want to live for yourself. You've been there for people for five decades. It's okay to want to make a change so you can be happy. You realised this, and everyone was fine with it... because we want you to be happy, too. [as much as he wanted to steer away from practically outright saying woody wasn't having a good time-- that's very much something buzz would prefer him to live through himself, rather than being told how he felt.] It'll be okay. I promise.

[For a moment, it looks like Buzz's words are ringing true in Woody's ears... that what he's saying is soothing what growing panic is looming on the horizon. True, there's a warring of emotions across the cowboy's face, and it almost settles on reluctant acceptance... But then he shakes his head, pacing away a short distance, hands running over the side of his face.]

No, Buzz, it's not okay.

Andy trusted me to take care of Bonnie. That's my job. That's what he trusted me to do, when he passed me on to the next kid! [The pacing hasn't stopped, anxiety on his shoulders like a heavy cape.] That's what I was made for! Right? We were made to be there for a kid. He gave me to Andy —

I-I mean — He... Andy, he gave me to Bonnie; I was given to Bonnie, so I'm supposed to be there for Bonnie.

[He trips on his words, but storms ahead anyway.]

Why wouldn't I be happy? I've got my friends with me. This is the happiest ending we could've had, after all we've been through together — through thick and thin...! Everyone would've been in an attic for years. We could've been destroyed at the landfill! Why would I have to leave to be happy, when we've got a new home, a new place to be loved by a kid?!

How selfish is that, to leave you behind to do my job for me, after everything?!

[... The horrible thing is, he'd already almost went with her. With Bo. Because he loves her so much, he was almost willing to leave, even before Andy started playing with them less and less; he almost got into the box with her, and he realized it was wrong of him, that he'd had a duty that overrode anything he felt.

That's how it just is.

When that name was written on his boot, it was only a matter of time before Bo left, and he'd have to watch her go.

He sees now what she'd meant, when she said Jessie and Buzz were probably just trying to avoid hurting him.

Because the thought of what he hasn't even done yet is making him panic and ache something fierce.]

[judging by buzz's expression, that reaction is just about exactly what he'd expected. it doesn't mean he was prepared for it or that it's any less unpleasant seeing woody like this, but... it has to mean something he hasn't reacted in such an extreme way that it's completely sideswiped him, right? ...yet, at least. buzz doesn't comment on woody's slip, but the cowboy probably knows his friend well enough at this point to know he definitely noticed it. he makes a mental note to ask when there's less of a meltdown going on. if there ever is.

he doesn't think he'll be able to change woody's mind right now. even buzz isn't naively hopeful enough to believe something like that could happen in one conversation, not when woody hasn't lived through what he did that made him decide to do what he did. doesn't mean he's not going to try his damnest.]

Because it was time, [he says, gently. equally stubborn in his own belief, the same way woody is.] You had the option to leave by choice and be with Bo and be loved by her instead of being donated or sold when Bonnie got older and ending up somewhere alone.

[...it still hurts. seeing him like this. knowing what had to happen. it feels like all he's saying is the wrong things.]

Bonnie isn't like Andy. She loved you but... she stopped playing with you. You didn't do anything wrong, she just... she's a kid. It's what happens sometimes. You're not a bad person for doing something for yourself, Woody. All you do is things for other people!

Edited 2019-11-17 14:01 (UTC)

[He bites back a breath.

Oh. Well. That does put a light on things, just a little.

Woody's always prided himself on being a favorite, it's true, but he also... needed to at least be wanted. After the whole fiasco with Sid's room and the rocket, he'd learned that it was okay to not be that person — to cling to a kid so much that not being their number one wasn't a sign of something darker, something shaped like a cardboard box that said CHARITY or $1.00 BIN. He didn't have to elbow Buzz out of the way. Just like he didn't have to elbow any other new shiny toy that Andy was enraptured with between then and now, either.

But there was always still that niggling voice in the back of his head:

Sooner or later, they won't want to play with you anymore.

And then you'll be in a thrift store somewhere. Or — thrown away.

He looks scared to ask, but he does anyway:]

I wasn't...

She didn't leave at the antique store on purpose, did she?

[Was he even actually lost by choice, or abandoned at last?

Maybe Bonnie broke him, and that was the last straw.

Or maybe she saw something better than an old Sheriff Woody there.]

[would it have been better if woody was left behind on purpose? ...no, no it wouldn't be. the thought immediately makes buzz feel a little ill.

he shakes his head no before answering verbally:] No. You made the choice after we got Forky back-- Forky who is the most important toy to Bonnie right now. You wouldn't give up on getting him back to her.

[he just... has to be clear about this. woody didn't just get bored and walk out; he wouldn't leave without doing bonnie and everyone else a huge service. that's not something buzz would doubt even if he had no idea of anything that happened.]

It was after, when you had the choice of getting back in the RV with us or being with Bo.

[He quiets, looking down at the space between them.]

... You pushed me towards it? You guys were — okay with that choice?

[The conflicting feelings in him is making it hard to know... how to be right now. The thought of being at Bo's side is a wonderful one. He's had dreams where she came back, that she'd never been taken away — that she was just somewhere in the house, somewhere he hadn't known, but she was suddenly there again. The one love of his life, really. He'd seen her there on the dresser, surrounded by that light, and he hadn't had a chance to outrun the feeling it left in his chest.

But Buzz and Jessie — Slink, Hamm, everyone — they were his family. They'd shaped him into a better person. Without Buzz and Jessie and the others, he'd be a worser toy, someone not worth the stuffing they're made of. He may falter, may do stupid things that leave him wraught with guilt, but the things he's done... he's always tried to do right by them, even if his devotion to Andy muddied the waters a lot.

... But they wanted this for him? They supported it? Would he not run off with Bo even now? These conflicting loyalties and loves are only an added thing to panic about, in this town. Heck, he's probably being selfish being so wound up over something like this when people were suffering in this place.

He clears his throat, sounding a little lost.]

I think I just... I-I need a little time... to think.

[he nods, very slowly. buzz knows woody well enough to know the complete maelstrom all of this must've kicked up inside him. hell, he doubts he'd react much better if he hadn't lived the past year and had been told he'd told woody to go.

for a moment, it looks like he's about to reach out to him again, but he stops himself short. he's really not sure if he should be the one to do this, not sure if woody would even want it from him. he doesn't know if woody would want it from any of them, which hurts in a whole other way.]

Take as long as you need, [he says, forcing confidence into his tone; confidence that woody will even have the time he needs.] I'll... we'll be here.

[literally. like hell is he going back upstairs tonight.]

Edited 2019-11-20 15:22 (UTC)

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