back at it again at al's toy barn (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mrsnesbitt) wrote2019-09-11 04:05 pm
mrsnesbitt) wrote2019-09-11 04:05 pmic inbox
[generic voice mail greeting]
voice | video | action | text
mrsnesbitt) wrote2019-09-11 04:05 pm
[generic voice mail greeting]
voice | video | action | text
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[he never thought he'd have to say that again.]
You've done your job. You did it with Andy and you did as much as you could for Bonnie. This wasn't like... Tokyo or going to college, Woody. This wasn't a choice that was made lightly, this was months in the making, and--
[buzz runs a hand over his face for a moment, tone a lot more gentle when he continues.]
It's okay. It's okay to want to live for yourself. You've been there for people for five decades. It's okay to want to make a change so you can be happy. You realised this, and everyone was fine with it... because we want you to be happy, too. [as much as he wanted to steer away from practically outright saying woody wasn't having a good time-- that's very much something buzz would prefer him to live through himself, rather than being told how he felt.] It'll be okay. I promise.
1/3
No, Buzz, it's not okay.
Andy trusted me to take care of Bonnie. That's my job. That's what he trusted me to do, when he passed me on to the next kid! [The pacing hasn't stopped, anxiety on his shoulders like a heavy cape.] That's what I was made for! Right? We were made to be there for a kid. He gave me to Andy —
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[He trips on his words, but storms ahead anyway.]
Why wouldn't I be happy? I've got my friends with me. This is the happiest ending we could've had, after all we've been through together — through thick and thin...! Everyone would've been in an attic for years. We could've been destroyed at the landfill! Why would I have to leave to be happy, when we've got a new home, a new place to be loved by a kid?!
How selfish is that, to leave you behind to do my job for me, after everything?!
[... The horrible thing is, he'd already almost went with her. With Bo. Because he loves her so much, he was almost willing to leave, even before Andy started playing with them less and less; he almost got into the box with her, and he realized it was wrong of him, that he'd had a duty that overrode anything he felt.
That's how it just is.
When that name was written on his boot, it was only a matter of time before Bo left, and he'd have to watch her go.
He sees now what she'd meant, when she said Jessie and Buzz were probably just trying to avoid hurting him.
Because the thought of what he hasn't even done yet is making him panic and ache something fierce.]
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he doesn't think he'll be able to change woody's mind right now. even buzz isn't naively hopeful enough to believe something like that could happen in one conversation, not when woody hasn't lived through what he did that made him decide to do what he did. doesn't mean he's not going to try his damnest.]
Because it was time, [he says, gently. equally stubborn in his own belief, the same way woody is.] You had the option to leave by choice and be with Bo and be loved by her instead of being donated or sold when Bonnie got older and ending up somewhere alone.
[...it still hurts. seeing him like this. knowing what had to happen. it feels like all he's saying is the wrong things.]
Bonnie isn't like Andy. She loved you but... she stopped playing with you. You didn't do anything wrong, she just... she's a kid. It's what happens sometimes. You're not a bad person for doing something for yourself, Woody. All you do is things for other people!
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Oh. Well. That does put a light on things, just a little.
Woody's always prided himself on being a favorite, it's true, but he also... needed to at least be wanted. After the whole fiasco with Sid's room and the rocket, he'd learned that it was okay to not be that person — to cling to a kid so much that not being their number one wasn't a sign of something darker, something shaped like a cardboard box that said CHARITY or $1.00 BIN. He didn't have to elbow Buzz out of the way. Just like he didn't have to elbow any other new shiny toy that Andy was enraptured with between then and now, either.
But there was always still that niggling voice in the back of his head:
Sooner or later, they won't want to play with you anymore.
And then you'll be in a thrift store somewhere. Or — thrown away.
He looks scared to ask, but he does anyway:]
I wasn't...
She didn't leave at the antique store on purpose, did she?
[Was he even actually lost by choice, or abandoned at last?
Maybe Bonnie broke him, and that was the last straw.
Or maybe she saw something better than an old Sheriff Woody there.]
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he shakes his head no before answering verbally:] No. You made the choice after we got Forky back-- Forky who is the most important toy to Bonnie right now. You wouldn't give up on getting him back to her.
[he just... has to be clear about this. woody didn't just get bored and walk out; he wouldn't leave without doing bonnie and everyone else a huge service. that's not something buzz would doubt even if he had no idea of anything that happened.]
It was after, when you had the choice of getting back in the RV with us or being with Bo.
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... You pushed me towards it? You guys were — okay with that choice?
[The conflicting feelings in him is making it hard to know... how to be right now. The thought of being at Bo's side is a wonderful one. He's had dreams where she came back, that she'd never been taken away — that she was just somewhere in the house, somewhere he hadn't known, but she was suddenly there again. The one love of his life, really. He'd seen her there on the dresser, surrounded by that light, and he hadn't had a chance to outrun the feeling it left in his chest.
But Buzz and Jessie — Slink, Hamm, everyone — they were his family. They'd shaped him into a better person. Without Buzz and Jessie and the others, he'd be a worser toy, someone not worth the stuffing they're made of. He may falter, may do stupid things that leave him wraught with guilt, but the things he's done... he's always tried to do right by them, even if his devotion to Andy muddied the waters a lot.
... But they wanted this for him? They supported it? Would he not run off with Bo even now? These conflicting loyalties and loves are only an added thing to panic about, in this town. Heck, he's probably being selfish being so wound up over something like this when people were suffering in this place.
He clears his throat, sounding a little lost.]
I think I just... I-I need a little time... to think.
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for a moment, it looks like he's about to reach out to him again, but he stops himself short. he's really not sure if he should be the one to do this, not sure if woody would even want it from him. he doesn't know if woody would want it from any of them, which hurts in a whole other way.]
Take as long as you need, [he says, forcing confidence into his tone; confidence that woody will even have the time he needs.] I'll... we'll be here.
[literally. like hell is he going back upstairs tonight.]