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[Jessie prides herself on being able to roll with the punches. Sure, sometimes those punches mean she has a little bit of a mental breakdown afterwards- but she always brushes herself off after the aforementioned breakdown and continues onwards until the next thing causes her to lose her collective everything. It's a tried and tested coping mechanism that's got her through the past fifty years.

Deerington is a whole different kind of mess, though. You can't roll with the punches so well when they're a pretty constant barrage of awful. The latest awful with Mami was ... deeply unpleasant. She knows children here die. Will died here- and he's brushed that off like it was nothing, but it doesn't feel like it's nothing. And now it's happened to Mami, too.

How're they supposed to look after the kids here when they're dealing with forces that literally kill them? What are they supposed to do to combat that? Jessie has no damn idea - she just knows she's real damn tired - she carries so much darn baggage around with her already, she could really do without the extra Deerington is giving her. She doesn't have the same repression skills as the others do. Her emotions tend to be a ticking time bomb - it's never a case of if they'll go off but when- and she's just about reaching her limit.

And so, after all that mess with Mami, she gets home feeling like she's been run over by a Tonka Truck. Bullseye greets her with her usual enthusiasm, and Jessie pauses to ruffle his little felt mane. ]

Hey, buddy, how's it goin'? [The answer, Bullseye, is that it's going awfully She lets out a slow, tired breath, then glances up, listening for any signs of life for the rest of the occupants. She... should probably let Buzz know, at least. Dang it. ] Hey, anyone else home?

[having been a mix between genuinely too exhausted to actually go back out into the town after the hellmonth that was october (buzz and jessie must've, what, slept like three hours the entire month between them? he doesn't even want to think how it must've been for poor bo and woody) and also not really interested in being at risk again, buzz remains blissfully unaware of what's happened with mami.

what are bubbles if meant to be burst, though?]

Hey, Jessie! [he calls out from the kitchen. he'd been elbow-deep in one of the drawers doing... something, but pushes it closed when he hears her voice. hopping off the counter and onto the floor to greet her.] ...Are you okay? You look, uh...

[DEEPLY TRAUMATISED??]

[A part of her wishes she could avoid telling him. But she's been keeping stuff from Woody and she's been keeping the whole heart mess from Buzz already. She's not duplicitous by nature, two lies are already two lies too many to keep going. She keeps patting the horse for a moment because Bullseye is soothing. He's a good horse. She doesn't have to deal with any of this with him.

Her shoulders sag at his question. Can they have maybe like one week where nothing terrible happens? Just one? Heck, she'd take half a week at this point. Just a couple days of peace and quiet. ]

Um. You might wanna avoid going out into town for a while. There's- stuff happening again. Already.

[Good start, good start. She rests her forehead against Bullseye's soft plush-y neck, steeling herself. Just... get it said.]

There's something you should know. About Mami.

Okay. We can stay in, it'll be alright. We'll stay safe.

[something he isn't saying as a platitude-- maybe it's naive, but he genuinely believes it.

anyway, he knows that look, that posture. something bad has happened. buzz crosses the distance quickly to put a hand under jessie's forearm gently and his other one on bullseye's neck. such a good boy.]

I know her powers have been acting up... [oh yeah he's expecting bad news already.]

[She's not convinced staying in will keep them safe. Because, ultimately, the desire to help the people in this place will override their need to keep themselves safe. Not a single one of them is selfish enough to stand by while the people- especially the kids here suffer.

She's got a strong desire to just sit herself on the floor and curl into her Anxiety Ball and just have at. It probably wouldn't solve much, but it might ease the tide of everything just sloshing about in her little ragdoll chest. She finally looks at Buzz, turning her head at his touch. ]

Buzz. She- she died. I - I saw her. Something must've happened with her powers. There were these creepy not-doll people and they dragged me off into this- [Okay, nope, she's not explaining this well. ] She was dead though. When they got me to where we were going.

[his expression goes through so much inside several moments-- confusion, grief, concern, shock and horror. it's probably kind of obvious he has absolutely no idea how to process this, but he'll do his best for jessie the way he always does. she saw it. buzz gives bullseye a little pat then shifts his hands to take both of hers.]

Jessie...

[he can't even imagine how it must be affecting her. he saw some bodies himself a couple of weeks ago, but he didn't know who any of them were. didn't see them up close. still wants to barf when he thinks of it. this? this is far beyond what any of them could ever be ready to cope with, even someone hardened like jessie. buzz doesn't really know what else to do, so he pulls her into a tight hug.]

[Jessie really doesn't know how to process it herself. This doesn't fall into her usual remit of grief and anxiety. This is something new and she's not sure how she's supposed to deal with it. She felt awful when she learned Will had died- but that was after the fact when he came back again to tell the tale. It made a detachment to the whole thing that she couldn't have with Mami. She was gone and that was that.

She searches for some words- to try and say how she's feeling- or to try and offer some comfort to him. After all, Mami means the gosh-darn world to him, too. Possibly more. But she struggles to find anything. Nothing seems like it would do the situation any justice. How do you even bring into words about seeing a dead kid? It's a horror situation for any toy. They exist to make kids happy- what do you do when one is dead? Just... gone? And sure, Mami might be old enough to not strictly qualify any more, but it didn't make her loss any less great.

And so, Jessie says nothing, she welcomes the hug greatly, taking no small measure of strength from it. She sags a little, partially to compensate for the height difference, but mostly because she's so goddamned tired. This place just needs to stop. For one, single day. She buries her face in the space between his head and his spacesuit and lets out a shuddery breath.

God, she is so fucking done. She'll pick herself up from this and dust herself off, she knows, she always does. Jessie never gives up, and all that. But just for a few scant moments, she wants to just not pick herself up. She trusts Buzz enough to feel she can at least do that around him. If only for a little while. ]

[it gets to a point where there's just... nothing to say. buzz isn't really sure he wants to hear anything right now, anyway. talking about it just makes it more real, and he doesn't want to risk cracking around her, not right now. he wants to hold her up through this, literally and figuratively.]

I've got you, [he says, gently.] Just stay here for a little while.

[Jessie just... hangs there for a little while. She's so gosh-darn tired. The last month was a snowball of awful and November's shaping up to be pretty dreadful too. None of this still touches upon her decades of confinement (but then, very little can, the timescale makes a difference, there) but it's getting pretty dang close. She'd probably deal with this better if she could get some shut-eye, but that sure ain't happening. Thanks, horror-cocoons, thanks.

When she speaks again, it's a little muffled, because she's not quite ready to release her death-grip on him just yet. ]

This place is so awful. All the time. It just don't quit.

[by this point, he knows her well enough to know how this must be piling up and grating against her existing issues. a drop in a lake that turns into a maelstrom. buzz concentrates on her weight against him and focuses on a little pattern on the wallpaper behind her to keep himself grounded. he shifts his hand lightly, knotting his fingers in the tuft of red yarn at the end of jessie's braid-- kind of like how she strokes it when she's anxious.]

I know, [buzz tries his damndest not to sound defeated there. he wants to say at least they have more time with woody, at least they get to see bo again for longer, but none of it seems like it would land well. at what cost?

he's still not pulling back. he could stay here forever.] you should try and get some rest after going through all that. I'll make sure nothing gets on you.

[Good job, Space Ranger, the feeling of his fingers in her yarn...hair works wonders. It's one of her go-to grounding strategies and it helps keep the tide back. It brings everything down to a dull roar again. Okay. Okay. She can deal with this.

She tilts her head a little, only enough so she can peer at him. ]

You promise?

[Which in hindsight is a stupid thing to ask- she has exactly zero doubts that Buzz would do anything else at this point. It comes out a lot weaker than she'd like too- but it comes out anyway because she honestly does just want a good nights sleep to quiet the anxiety monster in her head for a little while. ]

Just a couple hours, that's all I need. Enough to get back on my feet again.

[jessie he would literally die for you fifty times over, sitting and looking at stupid network memes or reading a book or whatever while you sleep is almost not even out of the ordinary.]

You can have as long as you need. I hardly have anything I need to get to today.

[She appreciates that a great deal. The tiniest of smiles crosses her lips.]

Hardly anything, huh?

[She exhales, releasing her death grip to rest her hands on his shoulder, bringing herself back to her feet. ]

Okay, Space Ranger, you got a deal.

[he just nods gently in response, bending slightly to scoop her up into a bridal carry. it'll be perfectly easy to carry her upstairs with the little blocks they've put on each step to make climbing less arduous. buzz doesn't start off immediately, though-- there's a creeping feeling invading his mind that's stuck around since they were in the incinerator; the very real fear that... things won't always work out. no matter how hard they try, things like this are going to happen, and they're going to keep happening.

woody leaving was different. this was just violent and ignoble, mami was someone who was so kind and tried so hard to do the right thing, she almost suffocated herself trying to save him...! buzz holds jessie close for a long few moments, burying his face in the crook of her neck. he'll deal with it later.

after a little sigh, he starts off carrying her up the stairs.]

Come on, Bullseye. You're invited too.

Edited 2019-11-13 20:14 (UTC)

[She is absolutely never going to argue him carrying her around. Not in a million years. Jessie might well pride herself on being the roughest toughest cowgirl in the west- but this is the one allowance she'll have. Because when all's said and done, it makes her feel safe. Buzz makes her feel safe.

She won't comment on the pause- hell, she can't blame him, it's a lot to take in all at once, there. She'll just curl into him, giving a little click of her tongue to let Bullseye know it was fine- and lo the little horse followed them upstairs. ]

[with jessie leaning against him proper, it gives him the chance to one-armed carry her for a few moments, using his free hand to reach out and give bullseye another little scritch on his mane. he exchanges a worried glance with the ragdoll horse as they climb, though says nothing.

he helps them both up onto the bed and settles next to her. when she wakes up, as promised, he'll still be there. reading some book about the space race. bullseye laying asleep between them, gangly legs everywhere, tongue lolling. it's cute.]

[Jessie slept for much longer than the 'couple hours' she was planning on. But she honestly needed it- and knowing Buzz was keeping watch meant she could finally get some gosh-darned rest. She does, eventually, rouse into the land of being awake from whatever... weird sleep state toys go into.

She sits up carefully, glad that, true to his word, there were no awful cuccoons covering her face. One last thing to stress out about. She smiles a little, giving Bullseye a little scritch as he continues to sleep and dream horse-y dreams. ]

The space race, huh? [That totally works as a hello, what are you talking about. She stretches a little, she feels considerably better already, lord. And then, helpfully, because she was around for it:] You know, people went wild about the whole Sputnik thing.

[It also spelt the end of Woody's Roundup, but honestly, she's WAY less salty about that than Pete was.]

[buzz had no intention of waking her, not unless something truly dire happened. which... also wasn't out of the question. they lucked out! nothing did.]

So I've heard, [he says idly, flipping back to a page with a big spread picture of public reactions to the launch and holding it up for jessie to see. he turns the page after a moment, pointing to another picture of laika.] and the second one. Bit of a sad story there, though.

[poor pup. he wanted cool space facts, not this heartbreaking story!]

How are you feeling?

[Oh yeah. The dog. Jessie grimaces a little, her little critter loving heart sure did bleed.]

Yeah, that was awful. Emily cried for days after that. She was so sad when she learned the dog wouldn't come back.

[Even cool space facts bring out the crappiest stories, sorry hon.]

Better, I mean... this place is still pretty dang awful, standing by that one. [Deerington is the worst. She offers a little smile.] But I'm feeling a lot better now I've had some shut-eye. Thanks.

[he really thought this day couldn't get any worse, he had to think "oh! a nice story about a dog that goes into space!" good lord he's so tired, why is everything so awful all the time? buzz grimaces, but doesn't comment further on it. he doesn't want to think about it.]

No problem. I don't mind sitting up whenever you need it.

[Jessie swiftly, and with her usual casual grace, clambers over Bullseye to sit closer to him. Sorry, faithful steed, she's got some serious hand holdin' to get in on.]

I know, but I appreciate it anyway. I really do feel a lot better.

[Emotions recharged, feeling marginally less like the world is going to collapse in on her. So, now, she'll focus on him. Fair's fair.]

How about you? How're you feeling?

[how about buzz does her one better-- he shifts so she can slip into his lap... or at least, the general area where his lap is. toy anatomy, dude. even if it means he can't really see the book over her; he was over it the moment he read two lines into laika's story. he'll never trust again. space is bad, actually.]

[never mind, he just looked out the window while she was settling and saw a star. oh, space. he can't stay mad at you!

anyway:] I'm fine. I'm just glad nothing happened while you slept.

[Oooh, Mr. Lightyear, oooh! Jessie's resigned herself on their little romance moving with all the speed of a racing glacier- and she's a-ok with that. Buzz is just... conscientious and that doth not make for whirlwind romances. It's part of his charm, and it honestly balances out her general chaos, so it's all good.

But every now and again he surprises her and it delights the heck out of her. She lets out a surprised squeak as she's plopped in his lap- before a grin crosses her face. Yes please and thank you, this is genuinely fine. ]

[She turns her head to the window and... oh. Is he thinking about space again? God, he's probably thinking about space again.

And then he says that, and one eyebrow arches. Did you really think you could get away with that, Buzz? Did you really?]

I don't believe you. It's been a terrible month and I know when you're repressing stuff. Your eyebrows get all crinkly. You wanna try that again? [She clears her throat, then, theatrically: ] How're you feeling?

HEYO HERE WE GO

slorps this up like delicious spaghetti

so delicious

put some ketchup on it make it sketti

g o s h

cw discussion of char death (thanks emma)

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