[he knows she understands this better than he can, right now. as much as he wishes she didn't, it's her reality. her smile comforts him-- of course it does. it always does.]
I've already tried to make it as clear as I can that it was right for him and that I don't hold it against him. I just... don't know if I could tell him the other side of it.
[why didn't they teach him this in the academy??? buzz grimaces.]
Maybe. I don't know. I don't know if I want them back like this. [admitting he doesn't know is slightly better than outright denying it, maybe.] ...I won't stop you opening yours. Sorry. I shouldn't have told you that just because mine made me feel weird.
It might not ever. Maybe Woody'll just decide to repress it, too.
[Not likely, but still.]
Well, it's okay not to know too. It's a whole complicated mess. [And emotions are complicated, all the time. She'll give his shoulder a pat.] Don't fret it none. I appreciate you looking out for me. I don't need to see some fake future or... whatever it is anyway. I prefer the here and now.
[Jessie lives in the present- looking forward isn't really her forte. ]
[she might envy his powers of repression, but buzz is self-aware enough to know it's really not how to deal with these things.]
I know you do. I prefer you being here and now, too. I guess... if you ever have curiosity. You'll know what to expect instead of being sideswiped by it.
Not really, no. I'd rather he didn't- but who knows. It's a lot to deal with, he might just decide... not to.
[Probably not though. Woody might not be as emotional as Jessie is, but he's not far off it. He'll hit a breaking point sooner or later. She just hopes it won't be cataclysmic. ]
...I guess it can't hurt to give it a looksie. How bad can it be?
[They've already had the tragedy card punched after all. Jessie doesn't really know what her future holds- nor does she have the strongest of desires for anything ahead of her. Hope is a tricky little monster that she tries her best not to dally with too often. Mostly because it has a fun way of not working out and hurting you in the process.
Still, she'll head over to her box, opening it up carefully. ]
[It's not really a memory- because it's not happened yet. It might not ever happen- which is honestly what Jessie usually steels herself for. She certainly did that with Andy- waited for the worst to finally come. She's been doing it less with Bonnie, lulled into a sense of security that was very much shattered when Woody left.
Hope is for suckers.
And yet the dang thing keeps finding her anyway. She looks at her little picture as the vision fades and hugs it a little close to her chest, crumpling it a little. Still, there's a small smile on her face- perhaps a touch bittersweet, but it's still there. ]
[You have been visited by Holy Mami! She descends from the winter night sky, presents in hand. She has a smile on her face as she hands you a gift with a note attached. It’s pack of batteries… and a handmade tiny sweater!]
“Thank you for being such a wonderful friend! Merry Christmas!”
[Before you have the chance to say anything though, she’s gone! She has a lot of gifts to deliver and little time to do so!] Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!!
[he watches her do all this, pearl-clutching and worrying his hands all the while. what if she gets something worse? what if this, what if that!!!!! what's going to happen if woody or bo get these boxes? that's not fair on them! maybe they should warn them...]
You okay? [he asks, reaching out to put a hand on her elbow gently.]
[She turns a little at his touch, offering a little smile.]
Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. It's... fine.
[Perhaps a little hesitantly, she turns the photo over so he can see it. She and Buzz are in the foreground, but the background is a little fuzzy. It's hard to tell where the picture is set and, in fact, who else is in it. That's pretty much the point. With her free hand, Jessie plays with the edge of her braid. She's always been pretty bold with their relationship, heart-on-her-sleeve as she is. She'll chuckle about his awkward and adorable decade-long crush on her til the cows come home and getting him flustered is like a sport.
But this runs a little deeper than the usual shenanigans. This is the sort of thing they don't usually give voice to. A touch of her old anxiety slips back in because as much as she knows Buzz is the safest bet she could ever make, those old scars run deep. There's always a small part of her that's waiting to be abandoned again. ]
It's- um. [Feelings are hard. ] I don't know what'll happen in the future, where we'll all end up and whoever we gain or lose along the way. I don't really think about it a whole lot. I'll cross those bridges when I get to 'em. But I do know that whatever happens, I wanna stick by you for it.
[Because she loves him a whole dang lot and she doesn't want him gone out of life now that he's in it. She knows they don't really have that much of a say in it. The life of a toy is tumultuous at best. There's always a yard sale or a donation drive and kids can lose interest in them just like that. Still- if she can help it at all, she'd very much rather stick by him. Wherever that leads. ]
[it's one of those things that's gone unsaid for a variety of reasons, yet practically shouted loudly every day in their casual devotion to one another. all those games of risk, sleeping in a big pile together with woody and bo, the constant casual contact they've had for a decade that neither of them gets tired of. all their stupid little parkour competitions that most of the time, feature rules that only make sense to them.
but... being a toy, that's it, isn't it? it's the sort of thing he figures has probably been at the forefront of her mind after all that happened at the carnival; an inescapable truth they all have to cope with from the moment they come out their boxes. the sort of inevitable probably that looms over every toy and their families; buzz certainly hasn't taken for granted how him and jessie are two of bonnie's favourites and what it means. it's another one of those things he doesn't let himself dwell on for long, knowing it'll make him feel selfish.
right now, though, he doesn't care. he's happy to indulge in the belief that they'll be together for the foreseeable future. he's not going to think about what would happen to either of them if they were separated through one of the hundreds of ways.]
I love you too. [he sees what she's saying. maybe it doesn't need to go unsaid all the time. then, because he's Like That:] To infinity and beyond.
[Well. Of all the ways he could've responded to that, Jessie wasn't expecting this. She knew, of course, deep down. Just because it went unsaid never made it any less real. But there's a difference between knowing something and hearing it. Saying it out loud did something else to it, though. It solidified it, put a line under it in permanent marker. ]
O-oh.
[It's been ten years- and it's not like Buzz has ever been subtle about it. He's been obvious to the point of comedy most of the time. She's always prided herself on having a handle on it. Oh, but if hearing it out loud doesn't make her heart do a little flippity-flop. Perhaps it was that cynical, beat-up part of her that was just expecting to end up unloved and alone that meant this caught her out. Because out of everyone, she knows Buzz wouldn't abandon her - he's stalwart and true to the bitter end. She knows when he tells her that he loves her, he means it. ]
Lord, you're such a nerd.
[That's aimed at the infinity and beyond. Such a nerd. A nervous laugh bubbles out of her- if he ever wondered how to make her as flustered around him as he is around her 90% of the time, he's found it. Turns out all it takes is her being told she actually means something to someone. ]
But I- I do. Love you, I mean. Obviously. Because- that was clear already. With the thing. [Toy God please take her away now, these are too many emotions for her to handle at once and it's making her awkward. She groans, tipping her hat forward, kissing goodbye to her badass street cred.] So. Yup. That's- that's sure a thing.
[why did he say the thing why did he say the thing why did he say the thing WHY DID HE SAY THE THING WHY DID HE SAY THE THING WHY DID HE SAY THE THING WHY DID HE SAY THE THING THIS IS THE LEAST SMOOTH THING HE'S EVER DONE WHY DID HE SAY THE THING]
[okay minor mental breakdown that he absolutely doesn't show aside, this is a really nice moment. he loves it almost as much as he loves her-- gets some kind of minor enjoyment out of seeing her stall out the way he always does. it's nice, because he knows she feels just as strongly as he does.]
But I'm your nerd, [he says, wearing a really smug expression and practically has stars in his eyes. he won't laugh right now, but he might when he looks back on this. goodbye badass street cred indeedly doo.]
[In an attempt to enthusiastically celebrate his first ever Christmas, Fern is covertly dropping off a wrapped gift addressed to Buzz from him on his doorstep.
It's a toy-sized ballistic knife!
Because of course Fern would assume a knife makes a good holiday gift.]
[You can't go beyond infinity, Buzz Lightyear, it's not scientifically possible. Why did you say the thing?. He's endlessly lucky that she finds the whole thing so very endearing. And now here he is, looking up at her with that face. It's enough for a brief, sappy smile to cross her features.]
Landsakes.
[She is never going to live this down. She clears her throat, trying to regain some dignity again, already knowing it's a futile task. Some of that dignity is gone now, dust in the wind.]
Darn tootin' you are.
[She plays with her braid a little. She honestly never really thought they would get to this point and here they are. Still, she manages to get a hold of her emotions before they run away with her again.
No, opposite of that. Jessie's never got a hold of her emotions. She's launches herself at Buzz to give him one of her patented spinning bear hugs. Because if ever there was a situation that called for one of those, it's this one. It's definitely not a handshake scenario. ]
[it's not enough to put a damper on it, but there is something that hangs over him that makes him feel bad for taking so long to actually do anything about how he felt, that they had to practically step into death's door before he got himself together. he's bad at feelings, and maybe some part of him was worried that he wasn't good enough for her, or he'd left it too long and kept leaving it.
best not to dwell on that, though, right? he doesn't want to bring the mood down. he prepares for it well enough that he doesn't slip backwards this time, holding onto her tightly for as long as she wants to stand there.]
[he hasn't really had time to pick out presents for the gang yet. and besides, he really has no idea what you buy for toys. which is why he instead has the makings of a few presents lined up. the first being the large collection of cardboard boxes that have been making their way into the house, ready to build the city's largest dollhouse. eventually.
there's also a small addition to the team. while droney doesn't have any kind of ai, he does at least know how to follow commands. and, more importantly, has a direct link to karen. meaning, as he'll explain to the four of them, that they can get ahold of him any time they need to, just by talking to it.
oh, and there are also the plans he has for a toy-sized entrance so they have easier access to the house. something akin to an automatic pet door. because clearly adding tech is a way better idea than just adding a smaller sized door. but right now, they're just drawn plans that he'll pull out, along with a few blank sheets of paper so they can try and brainstorm some ideas together of other things they may need around the house.
look, as long as he's a guest here, he wants to be able to offer something in return.]
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